Lonesome

The past few days I’ve felt so lonely. I know I have my beautiful daughter and my wonderful husband. And I appreciate them more than you could know. But I don’t feel like I have a family outside of that. My brother and I aren’t close. Never have been. We didn’t start getting along until he moved out when I was 15. We’re four and a half years apart so it’s no shock that that’s contributed to our lack of a relationship. Nor am I close to either of my sisters-in-law. My brother’s wife and I used to be close friends but grew apart during high school. And my husband’s sister and I used to get along great. I don’t know what happened. Suddenly we just don’t talk as much as we used to. I know they’re not the only ones to blame for this. Some of the blame is mine as well.

I feel like I’m losing friends left and right. I sometimes wonder if it’s just because I had a child. I’m still the same person I was. I just have more responsibility now and I can’t just go out at night without making sure that she’s taken care of. But my personality has not changed. I love my alone time but I don’t want that to be the rest of my life. I miss having friends, getting texts every few hours from people. I feel like I’m fading into darkness and I can do nothing to stop it.

 

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